A couple of years ago I had an unusual spiritual experience in Port Jefferson, NY.  In the span of about twenty minutes, two different shop keepers said the same exact phrase to me: “Follow your instincts. Your instincts are right.” These comments were really out of context, which made the message even louder. Friends of mine that grew up there assure me this is not a normal Port Jeff experience.

Even though I know my instincts are good, I still choose to ignore them on a regular basis.  That’s the case with my most recent relationship.  My instincts told me not to get involved with a man who was not fully divorced.  My gut told me that exploring a relationship with this person would almost certainly be painful, but I proceeded down the path anyway.  I wasn’t just ignoring my instincts – I had rules about dating “separated” men, but I told myself it was OK to make an exception this time, because he was (and is) an exceptional person.

Exceptional or not, a relationship with real depth requires two people with fully open hearts to be present.  A relationship with depth requires give and take from both people. A relationship with depth requires two people actively building the foundation and moving forward with building the rest of the structure…together.  It is not possible to build a deep, loving, committed relationship if only one heart is healed, open, and ready.

We have to choose whether or not we want to experience something, or whether we want to play it safe. I’m glad for having the experience, but I’m doubly glad I finally honored that instinctive inner voice, even though by doing so my relationship had to end.  Those little niggling feelings are there for a reason.  They are supposed to guide us and protect us.  We should not ignore them, we should listen to them with the same attention we’d give a tornado siren. Your inner voice is your best friend and your best line of defense against heartache, heartbreak, and self inflicted torture.  

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