If you are what you do, then I am a Shadow Wrestler.
That’s been my occupation since as long as I can remember and I am ready to tap out of the match. There’s bound to be a better use of my time.
At any give moment, I’m likely to be thinking about what I’m lacking in some way. Popular on the list nowadays are thoughts like: I’m not creative enough, authentic enough, skinny enough, firm enough, organized enough, sincere enough, nice enough, thoughtful enough, giving enough, well-traveled enough, tan enough, tall enough, forgiving enough, spiritual enough, wild enough, normal enough, talented enough, smart enough. And the worst…since I can’t make up my mind about having children, “I’m probably not good enough to be a mom.”
Sadly, there’s scores more things to add to the list. But I am, for sure, analytical enough. Too much. I look around and I see people living and doing and being. And I tell people to live and do and be, but there is a huge internal block that I’ve been unable to get over, under or around. I could spend the rest of my life trying to pin point what that block is and how it started…but I am bored of analyzing it all. I’m exhausted of tracing every niggling thing to the root.
When you stop struggling, you float. It’s true. It’s that simple. I am ready to float effortlessly through life. So, I am officially firing myself. I am no longer a Shadow Wrestler. I’ve been one for at least 30 of my 36 years on the planet. I’m sure the skill will serve me well in the future, but I am done. I’m ready to peel off the layers of fat (literally) and live wild and free. Whatever the hell that means, I want it. I want to be crazy drunk on life. I want to walk away from my shadow, into full illumination and be human and messy and unapologetic.
I am good enough to be here and that’s good enough for me. Speak those words to yourself and let them soak in…because I know what I’ve shared with you here is not unique to me.
Musical pairing to enhance your reading pleasure: